(Not) Growing Up Hungry

St(r)oking the Dragon

I could not believe it.

We were at a store.   I knew she needed shoes.  I knew she has been needing them every now and then because her feet are getting big at least every two days.  I led her to a store, with prices ranging from $30 to $40.  I told her, “Choose whatever you want, hon.”  She looked around, tried some on, looked at the prices and then sat down by me.  “I don’t want to, mom.  They’re too expensive.”  I looked at her aghast and wondered what I would have said if my own mother offered me a buffet of shoes.  I would probably have 5 in hand in 5 minutes.  It’s just that it never happened.  And now I have here my own daughter who can have every shoes she wanted, at any price, and then she tells me no.

Do not get me wrong.  I do not fancy myself a really generous mother, but I have my spells.  And when I have these spells, I expect her to act like a 9 year old.  Happy and bouncing and totally all for taking advantage of me.

Because that’s what I would have done, if I ever got the chance.

I do not know what it is about parents of long ago.  I know that whenever I wanted my mother to buy something, like shoes for example, I would be met by a sulk, or a look, or a direct “No”.  They were harder to convince, our parents (okay, at least mine).  And not unless they could see evidence that shoes were almost decaying that they would give in.  And I did not know why that is.  Were they merely tight-fisted, their parents’ own “No’s” echoing in their memories?   Is that why there was a need to echo it back?  Or was life really harder then?

My husband has the same recollection.  He wanted something and his father would ask, “Why do you need it? Do you really need it?   Do you really, really need it?”  Questions that would spawn the answer: “No.  Of course not,” except that is not what he wants to say.  One of our dear friends has memories of “want” that he carries up until this day, kind of like a talisman to his parents’ present day generosity and good intentions (read: he’s still really mad at them).  Another has “want” ingrained in him so much that although his parents have no more, he (with his family in tow), continue to take (a “pay back” for all those years of want?).

And now me.  I have a daughter who has more sense than me and refuses what I have been offering.

Is hunger good for a kid?  And what of my daughter who does not seem to possess it – will she be okay?  Will she live with the delusion that there is plenty in this world?  Will she lose her panache, her taste for life, because everything is being offered to her so easy and on a silver platter? (okay, I am exaggerating)

I must admit.  We were four kids.  My husband’s were four kids.  She is only one (well, for now).  Surely, there is a dichotomy there.  She enjoys resources that 1 kid versus 4 do (did) not have.

This business of kids and material things and tempering giving with holding back, yeses with nos, I am not quite sure that I have it down pat.  But I am happy with the results for now.  Shocked yes, but happy too.  I have a little girl who does not abuse her parents’ generosity, who appears to know the value of money and thinks that, in the scheme of things, material things are not too important.

But she does complain about not getting too much of my time.  I guess I should rejoice – she does know what is more important.

There’s a lesson here – but this one’s for me.

Be rich,

Issa

Article by Issa. Art by D. Copyright 2010.
Website: www.YouWantToBeRich.com
Email: issa@youwanttoberich.com

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