When the Sky Cries
It was midnight and my son started screaming like a banshee.
I mean, all of his 16 pounds-almost-five-month-old-body was tense, as he was screaming at the top of his lungs. Wanting my attention.
I read today that I should expect screaming from my 4-month old baby and that I should not worry – it is normal. That actually, screaming is harder for parents than it is for the babies. Theirs is just an outcry, no matter how desperate and agonizing-sounding it is. Their hearts are not broken. They are just manifesting the need to be held.
Wanting attention. Mine.
Because we were apart for almost 14 hours yesterday, courtesy of a Christmas party that I thought I needed to attend because I wanted to network and socialize.
My reaction to that cry was pain in my gut and unbearable guilt.
Because in the past, when he was just forming the first of his memories, he only needed to reach out his hand to me, or whimper, and I was there.
Earlier that day, I asked my husband if we could bring the children to the party. His reply was a brusque No! and then came the tirade of why-do-I-always-want-to-bring-the-children-when-I-know-that-it-can-be- so-hard. That a party for adults is not the right place for children, let alone babies, that they will be okay, they are okay, that they can live without me for a few hours.
I know he makes sense and I try to understand. But my inner reply was confusion because I do not understand why he does not want to be with the children all the time, that it is probably hard for the children too, especially for the baby, to be without the scent and the arms and the hair that he knows so well and that he probably could not understand why we have to be apart some (if not most) of the time. At least those are the thoughts that I play in my head and then the guilt starts again.
And then I realize that yes, the screaming is harder for the parents. Because the parents know what they are doing (or not doing) but they could not (would not) do anything about it. That it is their fault.
What does this have to do with money and wealth? I do not know. But maybe I just do not want to wake up one day and realize that I missed it all in my search for that something, which, it turns out, I had all this time.
Article by Issa. Photo by Madelene Briones Uyehara. Copyright 2010.
Website: www.YouWantToBeRich.com
Email: issa@youwanttoberich.com
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I understand how you feel..I’m a parent too
@Jerry I wish it were an easy decision… My friend and I have been talking and we both agreed we would probably go crazy if we were housewives… but then, the desire is there. I hope, in the end, it counts for something.