Art by Chiarra Briones
With every kick at my gut, I was reminded that I was not alone. With every fluttering in my stomach, I knew he was there, his father’s son, and he was coming very soon.
He came and I did not have any idea what I had to do.
How does one prepare for baby?
Preparing for baby usually meant decorating the nursery and buying the million and one things one anticipates the baby will need – a crib, a pram, shirts of all shapes and sizes. Not anymore. If the would-be parents have money, imagination and worry to spare, here are some things they can “invest” in: Lamaze or Bradley classes, cordblood banking, giving birth outside of the Philippines.
Lamaze or Bradley Classes
I was absolutely certain that I wanted to give birth via caesarian section. This, I discovered, was called elective caesarian, and was becoming a choice for mothers (especially in the US) because of tocophobia or fear of child birth (I was in labor for 19 hours during my first so yes I am afraid of it). What’s not to want? It is virtually pain free (no huffing and puffing and loud guffaws, well, until you wake up, that is), you can choose the baby’s birthday (but he has to be at least 37 weeks at the time of birth), maternity leave is longer (78 days versus 60 for normal). Sure it costs more, sure it is for emergency situations only, sure there might be complications after… but but but.
But.
I was told in a conspiratorial whisper by a colleague that she was born via C-section and she feels that because she did not go through the “canal” before she saw the “light”, she feels a crisis of some sort, now that she is 40… and she has feelings of “wanting to go through birth” (rebirth?). She added: C-section has a psychological effect on the newborn, who is wired to enter this world vaginally (and was deprived of the experience). She provided me with (disturbing and enlightening) research on the effects of a ceasarian birth.
That did it. Since then, I decided that I was going to give birth the natural way.
Now, Bradley or Lamaze?
There are 2 providers in the Philippines (the more well-known ones, at least): Chiqui Brosas for Bradley and Rome Kanapi for Lamaze.
The primary difference is that the Bradley method instructs women to focus on controlling their pain. In Lamaze, they are taught to distract from it. Similarities include the use of deep breathing techniques, the encouragement of appropriate exercise for the expectant mother during her pregnancy, and the involvement of both parents (yes, daddy too) in the birthing process.
The investment (2010 prices): Chiqui charges P4,500 for 4 sessions (Greenhills). Rome charges P4,000 for 6 sessions (Quezon City).
The return: normal birth, which would mean less psychological trauma for mommy and baby (and yes, hubby), if some books are to be believed.
Fast forward: We ended up not taking any classes. Chiqui moved her sessions to Greenhills and it took some time for Rome to get back to me (but she eventually did). I decided to just save the money. After all I did have Lamaze classes in the US for my eldest and I counted on remembering. Well, on the day, I needn’t have bothered. Before the epidural needle entered my spine, I was knocked out because of the pain medicine. (sheepish smile)
But okay – I did go in and out of consciousness, alternating between fragmented dreams and reality, of two men pushing on my belly until I could no longer stand it (I remember screaming for my mom), of the cheers of my doctor, of the one thousand and one needles that poked me, drawing more blood and tears, and the exhaustion…
Rai
But at the end of it all, this much I can say… He is well worth it.
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I took a class on pain management during birth that was indispensable. They went over positions, massage techniques, breathing techniques, visualization, and things for the partner to do during birth, during each stage of birth so you could go as long as possible without intervention, which is healthiest for mom and baby in most cases.
I recommend two books to expecting moms: Birthing from Within by Pamela English and Ina Mae Gaskin’s Guide to Childbirth. The first gives a lot of great pain management tips and approaches childbirth and labor as a difficult but manageable event that can be emotionally satisfying. The first half of the Ina Mae Gaskin book is POSITIVE birth stories that talk about birth as an empowering event rather than one to be feared.
The shift in my expectation, from thinking I couldn’t do it and afraid of the pain to feeling like this is something my body is made to do and I could not just get through it but feel connected and strong, was so worthwhile for me. After giving birth, I definitely felt the strongest, most empowered, most proud of my body! And I was loud.
To be honest, the idea of an elective C-section doesn’t make sense to me, and the birth story you post about being drugged and men pushing your belly seems so sad. I got an epidural but was still present mentally and able to push, and I still felt like I was a part of my own birthing process. With a C-section or being unconscious for part of it, I would feel like I was robbed of that amazing feeling of strength and belief in my own body.
Congratulations on your sweet little child. In the end it is worth whatever we go through as mothers to get them! I just hope other pregnant women understand that it’s not just a terrible ordeal and can be a positive experience.
@The Saved Quarter I wish I read the books you recommended before I had my baby – I am sure it would have made a world of difference. But yes, you are right – with natural birth, there is a feeling of accomplishment after, and also strength, and vulnerability. Seeing his smile, feeling a longing for him and a love that shakes me to the core – I would not have it any other way. Thank you and more power to you.