Harvest Time
And a confession. I’ve always thought about a comeback.
I thought I had given up blogging, but it is a gift that keeps on giving. And one fine day, I thought, what would it take for me to go back?
Maybe it is the shedding away of a lot of responsibilities, a shedding away of writing as a career.
I was editor of a newspaper. Words were my life. Others’ words, some mine, but I was inundated with it that I wanted nothing to do with it.
The creativity was stifled somehow. Because of a perceived audience, because of being careful, because of what cannot be said, because of what should be said.
I was imprisoned by an idea of what I should do and who I should be; by the many voices that told me to go here or there; voices that have forgotten to whisper to me once I have left that path.
And maybe this is good – this release – to come back to something that is fully and truly liberating.
Writing.
And then dreaming dreams of writing again.
Of finding that first thought, those first words, sparring with myself, showing up.
Maybe I can spend some time thinking deeply again of things now, of where I stand, of how I stand, of what’s important.
Maybe the words will settle, making it easier for me to make sense of its chaos, of ideas that are presented to me, of things that have since leaked into my conscious voice.
The writer is no longer just a writer; she has learned to speak.
One of the many things that I have learned in my writer-less, other-centric days.
When life takes, it gives.
But I come back. To expressing my inner thoughts. Not so much as a writer who consciously writes for the reader, but rather a giving of a gift to the self who needs to be recognized, to be listened to, to be sorted out, so that the truth will come to the surface.
Maybe to open up to the self is to find the divine.
And a rest of almost-three-years is enough.
Maybe I will rant; maybe I will rave; but what I say will always ring true to me.
Knowing too that truth can have many versions; the self has many truths. And both change from time to time to time.